dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
