Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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