You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm both gender and math confused
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
