Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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