last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
that may or may not have been my penis.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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