you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
