im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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