I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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