He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
