no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
