I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
