So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
