I just pynch a tree in the face
there was a trapeze. enough said
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
