On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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