It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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