so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
