i permit you to call me
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
