Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I supernannyed him into submission
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
