im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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