My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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