I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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