Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
