why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
