She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
as a side note pls kill me
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
