What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
