i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i think i have two assholes
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
