a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
