just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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