The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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