This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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