Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
