He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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