This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
