Your mouth is God's brothel.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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