his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
