Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
