If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Never joke about your clitoris.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
