she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
