I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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