I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
