I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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