we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
