Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
