The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
