only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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