i barfeds in our rink
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
