Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
