I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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