There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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