it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
