If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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