On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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